did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
