talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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