just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
