the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
