can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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