Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
