Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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