I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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