You can't motorboat a personality
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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