My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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