Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
