I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
