god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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