Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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