Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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