Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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