I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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