The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
