Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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