I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
