My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
