I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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