toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
