My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
