tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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