I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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