I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
