can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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