She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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