i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
