The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there was a trapeze. enough said
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
