so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
