batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
