I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
