I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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