it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
