I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
