awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
