That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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