I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
