i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
