I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
