Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
