recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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