so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize