My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
