Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
