FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
