my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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