Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
