My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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