We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
4 words: hood of his car
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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