I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
