The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
