my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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