I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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