I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
