"it" just moved
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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