not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
