He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
