Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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