Are we in a gay sports bar?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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