I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
