i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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