That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
