Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
