you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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