happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
