i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
