Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
