You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize