You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize