This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize