I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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