I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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