so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
